Mm, first day back at school today. My last term in Year 11. It's kind of scary because this is what I've been working for for years, and in about a year's time it's all going to be over... The idea hasn't fully settled in my mind yet, so I'm not too freaked. I'm just a bit... weary. Don't know why.
I wish I could just read all day, or go out on adventures instead of sitting in a classroom, listening to teachers, then going home to do homework. Don't get me wrong, I like school and I haven't anything against education (of course not!), but the idea of learning things that I probably won't ever need again...? It's kind of pointless. Couldn't we learn about 'life' instead? Hmm, maybe 'life' is too general a term, too vagarious to 'teach'. Besides, who can actually 'teach life'? I guess I don't even know what I mean, or what I want. I want something, but what? Maybe something I would like for a change. Something that I find interesting, instead of simply going along with what everyone else says.
I don't like doing things I don't understand, or that I have no interest in. Those things either stress and/or bore me, and I'm the kind of person who needs constant physical and mental activity in things that I can do. I like a bit of a challenge, but not too much. I give up too easily, and yes, that's my flaw, but I can't help it.
My life feels kind of vacuous. Empty of meaning. I'm not depressed, or even sad, I just feel like I'm lacking direction. I don't know what I'm doing- days just... pass by and I haven't done anything, let alone achieved anything. I wish I knew what I was doing, or at least have a general idea which direction I want to head in.
6 comments:
i really doubt you've achieved nothing. i am completely average and i know i have achieved lots. have you never worked hard and gotten a good mark, or done something for the 1st time like the first time you rode a bike?
i know you are talking about achieving in life but, people forget it's the little things that make the difference. great people like martin luther king jr have achieved lots, but it took the small actions of those around him to really make america equal. he made the government change laws but it took everyday people to change society. have you ever made someone who was sad smile? that is a big, big achievement. have you ever stood up for someone or just been a good friend? that is an achievement.
i know what you mean about school thou, i don't see why i need to know half of it, but as dr seuss says “The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go.”
hey lucy! yeah, i'm sure you've definitely achieved many things. like, for example, that very extraordinary 100% mark you got for our first big maths paper? yes, yes. and you're a very good friend even though you always lie (grr) and i will get you back one day. haha. anyhow, so what's the email address that you use? coz i can't invite you otherwise...
same here man :( its really. i dunno. i feel like i dont deserve to be even complaining.
I know just what you mean, Lu. I think you have no option but to jump through hoops at the moment. But be ready to fly in your own way when they open the gates. Discard what you don't need or don't trust as soon as you're able. Look for yourself and think outside the box.
I agree with a lot of what Anna says, but I have trouble with the Dr Seuss quotation. It can so easily be used as classic system manipulation. It doesn't address the questions: 'What should you read?' and 'What should you learn?' And a lot of what's taught in schools isn't knowledge anyway, it's just opinions and/or speculation. A lot of what I was taught in school as 'knowledge' has now been shown to be wrong. The process is ongoing.
Sorry if I'm offering unsolicited opinions again, but you did bring the subject up.
It took me a while to figure out where I was going, I'm still trying to figure it out, but at the moment, I'm good with what I don't know lies ahead. That's what life is about. In my opinion anyway.
Hey Lucy, I have been feeling this shit for the past year. and if you ever feel like you've done nothing, know that you are one of the very very very few people who have ever been able to really make me feel better about myself. Seriously. But unless you want to kill your parents with anxiety, I dont think there's any way but moving forward at the moment. At least we're all in this together- my god thats cheesey.
xx
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