Can't wait to read again

Geez, all I want to do is just sit in the sun and read all day. I don't even want any snacks beside me to enjoy the pure satisfaction from such a simple past-time.

I want to sit on the grass with a BLOODY FANTASTIC book in my hands and just enjoy myself in the sun. No, wait, I can't wait to read Les Miserables again. I haven't touched that book for two weeks and I miss it like hell. I want to relax and forget about all my problems while I drift off into another world. A world far, far away from this hellhole I call my school years.

Shit, the 'r' key on my dad's laptop just broke off! He's going to kill me! No, wait... just fixed it. Wooh, go me.

Just two more tests. Just three more days. ARGH.

Stress Rant

I know I shouldn't be stressing over the preliminaries, but I am. Forgive me.

I can't help but feel really uncomfortable about it all. I can't help but worry and stress... and I can't help procrastinating either, but that's beside the point.

Why I'm worrying about something that doesn't even count towards anything is beyond me. 

I did really bad in my Modern History exam :( And for some reason, I'm really upset about that. I did crap in my English Advanced, too, but since I don't really like the subject, I don't *really* mind. WHY DO I FAIL AT EVERYTHING?! FUCK.

I wish I could fast forward time to Thursday afternoon. I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL THURSDAY NIGHT. FREEDOM!!! I love freedom. I am in love with freedom. I can't live without it. I just wish I had more of it. But then again, I probably wouldn't appreciate it so much, and I'd get bored and my ennui would kill me. I am never satisfied with anything. I can't stand the mundane, but I can't stand hyperactivity either. What do I want?

Whatever. I still want my freedom.

I want to read. Bloody hell. Is that really so much to ask for?!

Oh yeah, and stress balls don't work for me. THEY NEVER WORK. I dig my nails into them and it doesn't release any of my stress. In fact, I just stress more because I get so distracted. 

Valuing Freedom

If there's one thing school has taught me, it's the value of freedom. I don't think I've ever really thought about it before but it's true. When you've got a big weight on your shoulders, the moment that burden is gone you feel this sense of relief; a feeling of liberation that is just plain amazing. I feel like I have all the time in the world now, though of course that is not true because my yearlies are looming ahead. But still- I am happy, and I'm enjoying this short cooling-off period.

Being sick sucks, though. I have a cold and it was really bothering me today. I kept sniffing and sneezing which made my eyes water quite a lot. And now my nose is feeling stuffed and hot. Sigh. But I want to go to school tomorrow- we're starting a new topic in History and, strangely enough, I want to go to Maths and English. I'll see how I'm feeling tomorrow.

Great. I look like a fuckwit in my new glasses.

I hate them so, so, so, so much. 

False alarm

I've changed my mind, being the indecisive person that I am. I don't mind having my personal thoughts heard sometimes... so I won't be taking this blog down. For now, anyway. False alarm! :P

I've had a relatively enjoyable weekend. I watched Gosford Park on Friday night, a mystery film set in the '20s or '30s. Slighty comedic but altogether too predictable a storyline for me. I'd solved it even before they announced the killers. But it was still good; I just need more of a challenge next time.

Right now I'm reading The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown and, putting aside everyone else's views and opinions of the book, I'm going to say that I really like it! Not to the point that I'd call it a favourite (because once a mystery's been solved, I can't read/watch it again) but it's good to the point that I can't put it down. It's intriguing, and I'm learning a lot of history, too- even though 3/4 of the 'history' is false and/or based on rumours and conspiracies. Still, I like the suspense and the whole 'art history/art culture' idea.

He he, now I'm tempted to read outside in the sun. It's a nice day today, and I've been sitting in front of the computer like an android for the past two hours. Or maybe I should study and finish all my homework? I'm going to regret it if I don't- my godfamily are coming over tomorrow night which means there will be no peace and quiet. Sigh. What am I to do?

Goodbye

I'm sorry guys but this isn't working. Having a private diary where everyone and anyone can read my thoughts is kind of... disconcerting. I don't know why, but I'm becoming more and more introverted these days. I need a little closure. I'm still going to maintain my blog over at Amusing Seth, though, so don't worry, you'll be able to keep in touch with me there- if you really want to.

So I guess this is goodbye. I'll leave this post here for a few days so you know my intentions- then I'll delete this blog. Or save it. I don't know, I'll see. But thanks for reading, and for putting up with my silly thoughts ;) It was nice while it lasted.

xoxo,
Lucy

Happy 17th?

I'm officially 17 now. I don't know how I feel about that. I feel... different. Don't know how that's supposed to work since age is only really a number, but still. I know I'm not old but I feel old because 17 is, after all, getting there- although I'm not sure what or where 'there' is. Just... there, if that makes any sense.

It's not that I'm scared- more like... sad because I've been dreading this day for quite some time. I don't know why exactly, I just feel that way. It's inexplicable. The feeling's just there. But I did appreciate my friends' warm wishes today. I'm just glad I didn't receive a lot of attention, and that random classmates (who I don't usually talk to) didn't shout awkward 'happy birthdays' to me. I don't like being in the spotlight because I never know what to say. *Phew* I'm just glad that this day is over and that there's another 365 days before my next birthday... I'll be hitting 18 this time next year.

I'm sure I'll get used to being 17 in time. I have for the last 16 years.

p.s. Thanks to my lovely friends for their presents and warm wishes! I love you all very much, and- not trying to sound cliched here- you make my life a whole lot brighter than you give yourselves credit for :)