I feel so tired, like I've been drained of all energy. And I don't know why but I feel like there's something else bothering me. I just don't know what.
I find myself a totally different person at school: I think most people I know would describe me as a 'happy-go-lucky, optimistic, sarcastic' sort of girl but they haven't seen the real me- like my brother. He said I look 'dead' tonight, which really boosted my self-esteem, believe me.
I don't know what's up with me these days. PMS? Restlessness? Teenage syndrome? Stress? Studying (student + dying)? I honestly don't know. I just know that I sound like a whiny kid who's always complaining these days (if I really am being one, you have my sincerest apology).
I went to sleep at 12:30 last night and woke up at 5:15 just to finish reading Emma- and for what? A quiz that accounts for a mere 5% towards my end-of-year report! I wish I had more of a life besides just studying.Or, even better- I wish I didn't have so much work to do. I don't want to be completely devoid of work (it does provide temporary distraction from other burdens), but I don't want to be completely overwhelmed by it, either.
You just can't have it both ways, can you?
4 comments:
maybe its all the pressure that you are putting on yourself.
lucy, take a deep breath, and save the stress for next term :S
at least youre doing splendidly in your subjects, im quite jealous. i hate stress too. I am quite dead when i come home after school. even though school was mostly fun. i dont know. at least you can eat food to console yourself.
It's a phase, Lu. It's just being human. Some people go along with the pressure of expectation, and some people rebel against it. I think you're a bit of a rebel, but part of you isn't. Part of you wants to please, succeed and be recognised. And so there's conflict. That's my reading of it anyway. And if I'm right, you have to find the balance.
The big advantage of being your age is that you can be sure things will change radically before too long.
'Studying' a portmanteau word - excellent.
Breathe! I say get out, leave all the books behind and just forget about it for a while.
I'm not helpful.
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